2007 has been a hell of a year. 30 has been a hell of a year. There has been a lot of changes. Sad endings, new beginnings, new responsibilities both personal and professional.
I've been hitting a bit of a wall lately. I have been pretty bummed out and distracted in the past couple of weeks. Anyone who has noticed me not being myself or got caught in the cross-fire I am sorry. Certain things in my head that I should have sorted out months ago are now bubbling up in a major way. My biggest worry is not that I won't see them through, I certainly will, but that a lot of the good things in my life right now could become casualties in the process. That would of course be worse than anything I'm actually bumming over.
Yeah I was all happy about my doctor visit and the absurd amount of Valium I was prescribed but I have also been thinking about and listening to the Firewater record Psychopharmacology. This time the link will work, I promise, they are an active band again. But back to the point. "The thing you can't accept/is this is all you get/you want a second chance/but all you get are pills." I am happy I received what I did, and I am sort of in a place when I need it, but I am quickly finding out pills are not the solution to the world's problems. Music, however, may be.
Onto some positives. My studio. One of the greatest things I have done for myself. It has been a great source of comfort and creativity and I am very proud of everything I have learned. Gods of Fire will make a great record there. I am also surprised at how my music has come along. All those Scream Bloody Virgin tracks really are an audio diary of those inner emotions I don't really let anyone see. It is very fitting that the first song I wrote was "Edge of the Galaxy, " which was written right after an emotionally complicated break-up, two dates that ended very poorly, and the beginnings of a new job that I started to really regret taking (which I no longer do). There was so much catharsis in writing a song reminding myself that there are no life paths. Every moment of every day you have the option to completely change your life. And although I am the worst creature of habit I have spent much of the last six months since writing that song challenging myself, forcing new experiences, and becoming the proverbial "Master of my Domain." I've been listening back to a lot of this music (not all of which I have let people hear) and it is very positive to see how far I have come. Which is also why this minor step back is all the more striking and painful.
But anyway these are the positives.......
I *may* go to Austin at the end of September for the Roller Derby finals (which the GGRD qualified for with a vengeance that is almost reminiscent of the classic victories of the Harlem Globetrotters). I need out of this city for a few days. I need to leave my beloved Brooklyn for a few days. I just need OUT. No Blackberry, no internets, no checking my work website every night at midnight. Just a complete exit off the grid. It may be good for me and everyone around me.
Bioshock makes me happy. It is like the New Yorker gone totally nuclear. The Art Deco look of the game is gorgeous. Tonight being my only day without plans I am going to really allow myself into Rapture for a good look-see. Also I'm putting a moratorium on discussing Bioshock. I know all three of you don't give a SHIT and I'll keep it to the message boards. But oh, Kotaku has never seen me post so much ever........
Anyway, that's about it. Just a quick check in from my part of the world that is not going out to rock shows and watching Judd Apatow productions. An intercepted ghost transmission from the part of me that everyone knows is there, but I never let anyone see. This weekend is not one but two Dream Theater concerts, one from the 4th row and one from the VIP section. So the normal witty banter will return ASAP. Promise.
Too much metal for one hand,
scd
