This was unexpected....

The singer of Gods of Fire wants to adapt Burn, a song I wrote about being angry at Sebadoh, into a full on Metal tune. If you haven't heard the song yet you can find it here.

I am down to try it, but there are some interesting concerns. Jason said if it stays as a Scream Bloody Virgin track (my solo nom de plume) then the song is a "waste."

Is it? Just because I don't see myself "pushing" my solo music in the same way we "push" the band am I wasting a good song by keeping it for myself? Do I owe the Gods of Fire first crack at my "A" material? Although I am very proud of my latest GoF contribution The Dying Wizard, Burn is probably one of the more interesting things I have come up with lately, especially lyrically.

Really I just want people to hear my music I guess. Being precious about my songs has never particularly helped me. I am a bit nervous by what kind of changes would be made to make the song ready for Power Metal, but it is also exciting to think of a song entering the Gods of Fire repertoire that is actually about a subject that doesn't involve dragons or monsters or villagers.

At the very least I guess this is permission to try to write a little more "maturely" for the band. Stay tuned, things can get interesting.

Got my ass kicked by a fairy......

The Green Fairy that is.......

Jon brought us back a few bottles of real Absinthe, wormwood, thujones and all.

It was a pretty fantastic evening, about 7 or 8 of us celebrating the return of Jon and Chris to America. Jon brought the Wii over, and we all had quite a blast.

Absinthe is a trip. Not literally, the hallucinogenic thing is a myth. However it is almost 70% alcohol, ie: 140 proof. It is practically licorice flavored moonshine.

The drunk is nothing I have experienced before. I was completely wasted, but my mind was 100% clear. So was my body. We were competing at Wii sports and everyone was doing quite well, despite the amount of alcohol in our systems. There was definitely a communal hive feeling. I guess that is why everything felt like a trip.

Everything was going well until we decided around 1:30 to hit the bars. The delicate balance of pretzels and absinthe in my system was working really well. I can only imagine if I had abstained from further alcoholic exploration where my night could have gone. I felt like a goddamned king and my confidence was through the roof.

However, three sips of beer and two drags from a cigarette I really should not have bummed outside changed everything. The room started spinning and all the drunk in my system changed from elegant to disastrous. I quickly said my goodbyes and rushed the first empty cab.

I woke up this morning at a quarter after ten and didn't like it. I woke up again at 12:45, popped Tylenol more for my aching neck and back and lay in bed watching a movie (Grandma's Boy, kinda funny but would never have watched it if I wasn't too hungover to find the remote) before I finally got myself motivated to do everything I need to get done today.

I am curious about everyone else's hangovers/experiences after I left. I wish we had a control case who only drank absinthe but everyone got beers at the bar, and Chris and Heidi mixed beer and absinthe all night.

Thank God I don't have plans to see the special friend for a few days. Right now I can barely look down without a world of pain. Is there a stretch you can do to prevent hurting yourself head banging? Does anyone know? I went full out at practice yesterday and I am in a world of pain. I have exercises to stretch my muscles and protect every part of my body from jumps, thrusts, lunges, even the repetitive stress of fretting a guitar. But every time I rock too hard my neck and upper back get FUCKED UP for about two days. What can I do?

Anyway. I'm off topic. Absinthe. I'm a fan. Jon is getting me a bottle of my own. I will see that fairy again and this time it is her ass that will be bloody and raw. mmmmmm bloody and raw..............

Alternate post title: Fairies Wear Boots (Why all the Sabbath on the brain lately?)

Unlistenable in Headphones Pt. 1

In the age of the iPod I find that I, for better or worse, do about 80% of my music listening in headphones only. Occasionally I notice a record, usually from the 60s or 70s, that commits so many crimes against stereo that it deserves to be called out. This series will be called Unlistenable in Headphones.

First up: Black Sabbath - Paranoid

Top 2 crimes against stereo-

#1 Hard Panning bass and guitar away from each other- I think the idea at a certain point in the mid to late 70s was that the stereo field should be an accurate re-creation of stage positions. This could explain why the engineer on this record decided to always keep Iommi and Butler separated, as if they were fighting fish.

HOWEVER.........

#2 Inconsistencies in instrument placements from song to song. On Iron Man, Butler's bass is hard left while Iommi's guitar is hard right. This is difficult and distracting enough to listen to as it is, especially when the two instruments start playing different parts. It makes my ears feel very unbalanced, and makes my head hurt. Then we get to Electric Funeral where Iommi is playing two guitar parts panned away from each other (perfect!) but Butler is now HARD PANNED RIGHT?? Wha??? I noticed my head tilting to the right as I was waking up 7th avenue.

If you want to make radical shifts in instrument placement on every song that is fine, but your band better have the words Stereo and Lab in your name.

Jon 2, Seth ZERO

Enough will be written on various blogs with higher readerships than mine about how awesome the Jarvis Cocker shows were at Webster Hall. Fucking Jon went both nights, I only went to the second.

This mean the amount of times Jonathan Lee has seen Jarvis cover Paranoid is two. The amount of times I have seen Jarvis cover Paranoid is ZERO.

The first collaborative session!

My spiritually advanced friend Matt approached me recently with the idea of doing a collaboration under the name Sky Burial. His idea of trying to do some somber ambient noise was very appealing to me and I readily accepted. However I was a bit nervous as this would mark the first time I used the studio with someone else.

Generally up to this point if there is something I wanted to do and didn't know how I would either stop working and learn, or decide it wasn't really that important anyway ;-)

How would I handle fielding these same types of requests from an outside person? What if I have major gear failure? What if I just show myself for the hack I am?

Despite my crisis of faith I am happy to report the session went very well. We spent about 8 hours or so working on one 3 minute song we are calling "Exhaust the Sun." The process was fresh and collaborative, and most importantly creative. Most ideas that we wanted to try I was able to program. Never did we have to really stop what we were doing to worry about process. Our imaginations ran wild and we recorded a heavy, dense, at times terrifying piece of music. The drums are a mess and it doesn't sound very good outside of studio monitors, but I am working on it.

Once I re-program and remix the sketchy parts I am going to put it up on the MySpace and send out direct copies to the usual suspects. I was really happy with what we were able to do, and how the technology worked for us. It may not seem like it from some of these posts, but I am not as into the process and the tech, as much as I am into having the tech just WORK so I can be creative.

On a gear note, however, this was the first time I got to use the AKG condenser mic. It sounded absolutely amazing. The one time Matt started screaming and wasn't thinking about line levels the mic peaked in the most amazing way. The vocals sound like they have a nice tube overdrive on them, rather than a muddy crap out. It saved me the time of having to apply distortion.

Also, Amplitube2 completely kicks Guitar Rig's ass, and is far less CPU intensive. I recommend everyone check it out. I am blown out of the water.

Greatest List Ever!

The ten ugliest men in Heavy Metal History

I wanna be sedated........

Why do I enjoy the occasional bit of Clonopin? You don't want to fuck with anything "inadequately sedated"

I love how chilled out and happy the Vet who had his hand bitten off looks later in the hospital.

That my friends, is adequate sedation!

Respect to Ms. Bollocks for brightening my day with this post.

Third Time's a Charm!

So courtesy of my new friend Janine, I got to see Art Brut at the Bowery last night. We walked in during Art Brut's first song so we missed openers Holy Hail, whose drummer was my band mate for close to 8 years, Matt Cuttler. Matt if you ever see this, apologies. I totally intended to make it in time for ya. On the plus side, I'm sure with the sold out crowd and Art Brut's admiration you weren't looking out for my ugly ass.

Anyways, this was my third time seeing Art Brut. After Jacktastic hipped me to the band, I fell in love with them like most other people. How can you argue with the honesty and glee in Eddie Argos' lyrics? And the music is charming British punk rock. The first time I heard the song "Good Weekend," where Eddie Argos happily proclaims "I've seen her naked twice! I've seen her NAKED!!!! TWICE!!!!!!!" I was instantly endeared. They played (I believe) their first NYC show at the Mercury Lounge about a year ago. I actually knew when tickets were going on sale and jumped on Ticketweb immediately, like I was buying god damned Rush tickets. But we scored, and my posse of Madeleine, Jacktastic, and Larrian went to the show.

What we saw was......less than impressive. They were awkward, but not in that endearing way that was so charming on the record. They were sloppy, in the amateur way, not the punk rock way. Everything went horribly wrong. Larry walked out early. A few tunes later, Mad Jacktastic and myself followed suit. It was a crushing disappointment. Mad didn't understand. She assumed I liked them because they were bad as a shtick. Ehhhhhh yes, this is true but I also wanted an aggressive sweaty band to be playing these songs. Not a bunch of fashionistas led by a frontman who seemed very uncomfortable in the limelight. All of those songs work because of just how un-self-conscious he sounds singing them. Maybe in the studio, but not live.

We tried again. Art Brut played Irving Plaza a few months and a whole lot of records sold later, and the Spinto Band were opening. Mad loves them. I had never heard them and was a bit appalled at how lame they were. Thank jumping jeebus Rob from Punk Metal Karaoke was there in the back drinking his ass off. I joined him and shot the shit about Metal during their set. Afterwards Art Brut was more polished and a bit more enjoyable, but still far from prime time.

Why did I go last night? I dunno, I was offered a ticket. I have been listening to the record a bit again and knew they were finally debuting a bunch of new songs for album #2.

Well I'm glad I decided to suck it up and give them one last shot. They magically transformed into the band I wished they were in the first place. By the third song the non-mustachioed Eddie Argos already had his tie off, his shirt unbuttoned and was drowning in a pool of sweat. He worked the crowd with a punk rock ferocity that matched the energy level of the records. He is still a dork but fame has worked wonders for him. The replacement guitarist seemed to really fit in and wasn't just a skinny model boy more concerned with posing and looking HOT than rocking out. He also became a much more angular and aggressive player. What can I say? I was blown away! The new material rocks, the stage banter was great. It was a perfect evening.

Until of course the lines started to blur. What time did we get out of there? 12:30? How did we wind up at Winnie's drinking shots on fire and singing 70's classic rock (Her "Sister Christian," me "Surrender") to three drunk Irish dudes? What the hell was in that drink they called "Purple Rain" that was not purple and tasted suspiciously like a Long Island Iced Tea? How did fried dumplings enter my body at 2AM when I have temporarily sworn off fried foods and have been enjoying a pseudo vegan lifestyle of hummus and soy proteins and seltzer?

I don't know, but today was a DOOZY at work. Was today quiet? OH FUCK NO! Clients canceled, creative was screwed up, it was a nightmare and everyone decided to take it out on each other with a lot of yelling. At least I didn't show up until 10:30.

So now I sit here with my seltzer and trendy hipster hangover treatments waiting for Lost to come on at 10. I will enjoy my day of rest and "personal reflection" and then tomorrow? Well tomorrow should be pretty cool :-)

Vagina Power!

This has been making the normal internet rounds today. Three different people sent it to me today.

If you have not been blessed with this video, just watch it. Genius.

New Additions to the Family!!!

Please help me in welcoming my new 250 gig Firewire800 G-drive and PCI Firewire800 card to the studio.

I have decided there is only one way to solve these wacky firewire problems, and that is with dedicated hardware.

RIP Andy Barker, P.I.

How many times can network TV break my heart this year?

Just as I got excited about how awesome this new show is, I found out NBC pulled the plug.

Buster from Arrested Development, we'll find a good vehicle for you yet.

Andy Richter is simply a cursed man. He can't catch a break.

Two great quotes from this weekend

First from Andy Barker, PI. Thank God Andy Richter finally got a funny show. Anyways, his friend who runs an Afghani restaurant decides to attract business by having hot chicks dispense Humus from guns as the "Hoomous Hotties." The quote? "I have combined America's love for sex, guns and chickpeas."

The other quote? Assholes Don't Appreciate Art. First person to give me a t-shirt that says that gets to hear the back story.

Last Night a Placebo Saved My Life

It was about three or four songs in before I even noticed what was happening. Perhaps I was thrown off by the band opening with "Infra-Red," an amazing song of revenge, and one of my favorites on the new record. Maybe it was the rocked up version of "Meds" that kept me from really listening to the show. It could have also been the exquisite lights complimented by three hi-res video screens that were being manipulated in real time by a video engineer.

But somewhere along the way I realized that I was at Roseland, a venue notorious for having some of the muddiest and over-modulated sound mixes in Manhattan, yet I was hearing one of the best sound mixes I have ever heard, period! Being as I was somewhat near the soundboard I decided to stroll over and see what was happening. There I became witness to art, beauty and grace. The unsung hero behind the digital console was a true genius, and horribly underpaid no matter what the band salaries him.

He was rocking a fully digital console which had a breakout flat screen monitor. All of the songs had their own automated presets, but all of the faders and effects were being controlled by hand.

During "Follow the Cops Back Home" there was a really cool reverb effect on the snare that isn't on the album. Every hit had a different reverb level/decay. I was watching the sound man control this manually by hand, while actively managing all the other levels. It was amazing to watch. He was also manually activating all the vocal effects, and adjusting their levels live. Looking at all of his peaks, nothing was even close to over-modulating, and all of the levels were well below 0db, despite the crushing volume of the show. Perhaps his board is designed for the much larger venues they play in Europe, and in the smaller American venues he can get away with a loud show at a very low strength. I am only guessing. Bottom line is the man is a genius.

The whole show was slick as hell in a very satisfying way. The core trio was augmented by two multi-instrumentalists who were able to quickly and silently grab a bass, acoustic, keyboard, or whatever they needed. There was none of the awkwardness of instrument switching that you sometimes see even in professional shows with a road crew. Also a Gibson Thunderbird was in play most of the gig. That bass. That BASS! And for the first time I understood the appeal of a Fender Jazzmaster. I have never before last night heard one sound good through any setup. Now I get it.

There were also real dynamics in the show. I give 50/50 credit to both the band and the sound man for that feat. There were genuinely quiet passages, and places where instruments swelled up to amazing crescendos. In "Without You I'm Nothing" the "I'm unclean a libertine...." portion of the song crashed in with layers of distortion and crisp drum hits that were a stark contrast to the verses.

Placebo is now on the list of bands to not miss when they come through town.

Thanksgiving trailer

Thanks to Harry for pointing out the Thanksgiving trailer (mentioned earlier as one of my favorite parts of the super awesome Grindhouse) is up on youtube.

Electrical Porn Company

I was talking to my homie Steve about the idea of Eon Mackaye, and how it is such a bizarre and obvious assumed porn name. We also acknowledged a twinge of jealousy that this twit with a dumb assed name is getting paid more than us to film tattooed people fucking.

So we are going to start our own porn house, Electrical Porn Company. His porn name will be Steve Albini. All films will feature the credit "Filmed by Steve Albini" because he doesn't actually "direct." He would never infringe on the actors' privilege to direct their own scenes. He will never take a cut of DVD sales or online downloads. He will charge a flat fee if using his own locations, or a sliding scale if he has to film elsewhere.

I will occasionally collaborate. My porn name? Knob Weston.

Watch out Vivid Alt, you are on notice!

RIP Mark St. John

Really short term Kiss guitarist Mark St. John died on April 5th.

He was only on one album, Animalize, which was the first Kiss album I ever owned. Lauren Abrams bought it for me on vinyl as my 3rd grade birthday present. I loved the song Heaven's on Fire so much I just wanted to rip open the wrapping and put it on at the party but my parents told me that was bad form, and would make the other children feel jealous. I'm sure they were right but I was pissed! Animalize was in my home and I NEEDED to hear that song!



Anyways check out the video. It is so 80's hilarious I love it! Even Mark St. John gets laid!

UPDATE: I just realized 50% of the core band that made this record is dead. Or at least, the band that is on paper. In reality Gene didn't play on this album. Jean Bouvier did most of the bass while he was out pursuing a film career. He just sang harmonies and learned his vocal lines. The band is actually incredibly frank about all of this in the liner notes of the box set. There were tons of studio musicians all over those records. I think Paul is the one consistent guy through the whole Kiss catalog. One day I'll write about Paul and how much I admire that closeted fruitcake. (Yeah I don't care if my entire sexual history with females is like a good afternoon for him. I'll tell you my Psycho Circus stories at some point.) I think he is the greatest thing to happen to KISS and a boon for rock and roll in general. Gene may be more bad-ass, but the star child is where it is at!

Anyways, sleep well tonight in heaven Mark St. John AND Eric Carr. Know someone is spinning your records tonight.

UPDATE 2: Bruce Kulick, my favorite Kiss Guitarist's statement is so douchey and unnecessary I need to have it up for posterity.

"I wish to express my sympathy to Mark St. John's family and friends," Kulick said in a statement. "Though Mark was the guitarist I replaced, I respected his talent and contribution to Kiss. May he rest in peace."

Grindhouse was awesome! (mostly spoiler free)

Grindhouse was pretty great. Tarantino's film should have been first. It was much slower and had a lot more dialog. Rodriguez' film was 100% kick ass action and gore. Seeing Planet Terror before Death Proof felt like I ate desert before my dinner. But either way the whole thing was totally awesome.

The fake trailers were great too. Eli Roth's trailer was far and away the funniest. It was for a holiday themed slasher film called Thanksgiving. The 2 or 3 minutes of trailer were better than 70% of all 80's slasher movies in their entirety. Overall the whole thing was a great time, even though the whole experience hit the 3 hour mark.

Also, don't tell Heidi but I ate a Shark sandwich after the movie. And it was delicious. Sharks as food are amazing. It had the texture of tuna but the flavor of shellfish. Like a nice lobster. The next time I see Shark steak on the menu, I am so going for it.

Next week is the CRAZY JAM PACKED WEEK OF FUN TIMES (tm) so I stayed in for the evening to save cash, and build up some drinking credit with my liver. I had all these ideas for songs I would work on tonight but decided instead to catch up on TV. I didn't realize I have been spending so much time on the studio setup that not only have I not been doing any real vegging, but my DVR was threatening to erase the Stevie Wonder Classic Albums ASAP. So the TV, a bottle of Cherry Coke Zero and I spent some good quality time together.

Is anyone else watching Debbie Does Dallas Again? It is fun, but not nearly as good a porn reality show as Family Business. PT just doesn't have the personality of Seymore or Cousin Stevie. Oh Cousin Stevie how we all miss you! Is that show coming back on the air ever?

But really who the fuck is Eon Mackaye???? There is an emo pansy in LA shooting porn for vivid using the borrowed stage name of our hallowed DC legend? I'm not sure if I find this totally awesome, or just really horribly terribly lame. Sure I love Fugazi, and I love porn, but I don't know if I need those two fetishes co-mingling. With the exception of Shellac's tune The Idea of Peter North. But that goes without saying, right?

And speaking of soft-core reality TV, why is Cathouse Season Two only on like once a month? Even Lost figured out how to deliver consistent content. And those guys have to "script" a show!

Firewire, she is a cruel mistress

Can anyone explain to me why my firewire connection keeps dropping?????

The new monitors are AWESOME! I am listening to Starless and Bible Black on them right now, and it feels like I have never heard this record before. Or at least, that I am listening to the master tape. I cant' wait to run some vinyl records through this.

But why when I try to watch my new Helloween DVD, or when I have a really good Guitar Rig sound going in Sonar, does the Saffire just lose the Firewire connection? This is a major fucking problem that needs to be investigated.

If iTunes wasn't sounding so good through these monitors I may actually be upset about this.

Oh, why is it that when life seems to be picking up again, there is this shite?

Look, it ain't cancer, but it is PISSING ME OFF! My shit just needs to work.

Oh, holy crap the opening of We'll Let you Know is like buttery goodness! Shit. Do I dare even put the new NIN through this yet? Or better yet, those 24 bit Talking Heads DVD Audio discs??? mmmmmmmm 96k.

OK drunken nerd out.......................................


UPDATE: The new NIN sounds sick, as does anything Albini has ever recorded. Maybe I will run the new Stooges through here just to see if the production can make it good. Or maybe I'll poor another glass of Whiskey.......

If you see me eating Ramen, don't be surprised...

I am now the proud owner of an AKG Perception 200 microphone, and I got the 8 inch M-audio studio monitors. I'm just hoping my desk can accommodate the largeness of these things! However the 5 inch's sucked. I A/B'ed the speakers against my own music, Holy Wars by Megadeth, and This is Hardcore by Pulp. Since the Pulp record is so rich as it is, Holy Wars was where I noticed the major difference. On the 5" speakers the toms and kick drums simply disappeared, and the 8" speakers sounded like I was in the studio sitting next to Mustaine.

I'm getting there! A nice condenser mic, some monitors to hear how my mixes REALLY sound. Gods of Fire, you fuckers are on NOTICE!

Current Spring Summer Concert Schedule

4/6 Hunters Run/Mezzanine c14 at Club Midway
4/11 Placebo
4/23 Jarvis Cocker
4/26 Dimmu Borgir
5/19 Heaven and Hell/Megadeth/Machine Head
5/30 Roger Waters
5/31 Metal Meltdown II
6/2 Weird Al
6/22-6/23 Brooklyn Metalfest w/Ross-the-Boss, Seven Witches, Magus Beast, others
7/8 Rush
8/9 Daft Punk

On the Rebound......

Wow Sebadoh sucked last night!

This was my fourth time seeing them, and every Sebadoh show I have seen was completely awesome. The first was in Boston on the Harmacy tour, the second at Tramps opening for the Flaming Lips, and the third time was 2005 at North Six when Barlow and Lowenstein went out acoustic. Even that show, where they had pre-recorded drums on a cassette tape kicked the shit out of last night's big load of steaming horsey bullshit.

There were so many things wrong with this show I don't know where to begin. I see why Gaffney was thrown out of the band. He was fruity and useless. And why the hell was Crysis re-interpreted as a mellow song? What the fuck?

Lou, why is it the audience's fault that people weren't getting into these limp lifeless versions of your awesome songs? The reason people weren't "bugging out" for Give Up was because we knew it was going to be as neutered as every other fucking thing you fucked up.

I should have taken the 25 dollars I spent on a Sebadoh ticket and given it to Black Sabbath as a tip for rocking so hard the night before.